“Numb”-blogword

**You sit back staring in this camera,
Your eyes swollen, but your smile’s still so wide,
you hold me close, but you hold her so much closer, and under those pretty lights, my every hope died..

Her smile is blinding, you look happy too,
i just keep wondering if this really you,
I saw what i said i wouldn’t see,
i wonder if somehow i always knew..
… knew that this is how it was going to be,
I’m no more in the picture,
you try to make this all about me,
when i know it’s about how in your dreams you can fit her… **

*.me.*

“huh… wha..”

she spluttered awake, and rubbed her eyes -the phone flashed eerily in the darkness.

“5 am? who could be calling at this hour?”

One look at the screen, and blood coursed through her veins – a heady sensation of excitement, with an underlying cross current of panic and fear. She grabbed the phone and frantically clicked the answer button, before the line went dead -

“h-h-hello”, she stammered.

But it was too late. He was gone.

Her world slowly faded back into inky blackness, breathing shaky , and after much tremulous deliberating, she eventually fell asleep.

* * * * * *

6 am – bzzzz….bzzzzz….

“huh?”- she is startled into wakefulness.

Its him.

Quickly, this time she snatches up the phone, terrified that he will vanish once again – for days, or even weeks -so typical of him most times.

He sounded troubled, ” Hey babe.. you sleeping?”.

She nods vigorously, all traces of sleep replaced by the rivets of tension invading her every nerve- “no, not at all. I’m awake. Whats up?”

“Theres something i need to talk to you about. It’s kind of important…do you have a few minutes?”, he asked, with a casual air.

“Ofcourse I do, sweety! Just give me a .. OUCH!”, she cried out softly, her toe throbbing from the impact against the footboard.

“Are you okay?”, concern highlighting his voice.

“Yeah, yeah..just a second”, she whispered, as she fumbled for the bathroom light switch, having successfully tiptoed over her cousins sleeping form.

She shut the door firmly, lowered the toilet seat, and sat down- her breathing was starting to return to normal.

“Okay, talk- whats on your mind- its not like you to call so late..”, leave alone call, she muttered under her breath.

He took a deep breath, and said , “I dont know how to say this..it’s been eating at me for weeks. I took my mother to have her stomach stapled, and before she went in for the surgery, she put me on a major guilt trip about not getting married. I tried to explain to her that I was only 25, and this is not where I wanted my life to be at this point, but she refused to listen. She just kept on making me feel like an ungreatful son, because of all the sacrifices she’s made for me..she wants a daughter in law, and a grand child, and lord knows what else.. “, his voice trailed off. ” I want to tell her about you, I really do – I just don’t know how she’ll react.. given the whole set up of marrying within the community.”

“Well what do you propose be done about it?”, she asked, her voice surprisingly clear and strong.

He rushed on to say, “You don’t understand what she’s been putting me through – she’s relentless. All the time, she shows me pictures of girls. It doesnt matter if I’ve just come home from work, or if I’m tired, or if I have a meeting – all she shows me are pictures of girls. Last week, she thrust some pictures in my face while I was working on this presentation, and just to get her off my back, I told her they were alright. I told her they were ALRIGHT!!! The next thing I know, I’m getting phone calls from all over the world, congratulating me on my engagement.. I mean.. what the hell?!”

She looked down despairingly, and out of increasing concern, asked, “damn..thats rough.. are you okay?”

He stayed silent. She sighed, and muttered softly..”so what happens to us?”

He sounded as if he was pacing, she could make out the sound of his shuffled footsteps wearing long worn trails into the double knotted thick pile of the silk persian carpets. “Look,”, he said gruffly, ” I need to go to lahore in a few days to meet some family friends – let me get back, and i promise, I’ll talk to her. Please, please be patient?”.

Reluctantly, she muttered, “Alright, ..well, good night then”, and hung up.

*******